Hmmm.

It hit me this morning- God willing, I will be done with school by the end of next winter...what am I going to do? For some reason, that has sparked a flame and it won't go out, and instead of pouring water over it, i've added fuel to it by searching jobs all over the world. What will I do?! Where will I live?! How will I pay off my debts? Will I be able to find a job? Will I be able to live somewhere amazing? Will I get to live my dream? Will I be too afraid to try? Will I be a failure? Will I be able to live close to home and still make good money? Do I even still want to live in Oregon? If not Oregon, where? Do I move close to my Texas family? What about living in Illinois again? In Colorado or Pennsylvania? Do I go overseas?  Will I die before I even get to find out? hahaha though crazy- these are the thoughts I've been having today. As I search for jobs, I just feel the need to stop. When I stop, sit back and think about all of this, I realize how foolish it is. Why am I worrying about it? 

Why is it hard to trust an unknown future to a known God? I know He will show me when it's time. I know that if I put my trust in Him, He will provide me with the perfect job, in the perfect location, even if it doesn't seem perfect- I know He has a plan. Lately i've gotten into the mind set that I need to work everything out, that I need to get my life in order and have a plan and I feel like in result, I'm stressed and easily agitated with people. When I try to take control of my life and start driving and holding the map, trying to figure out where to go, I'm too busy to keep my eyes on the road. I need to remember that God is in control and I don't need to worry. I've got the worlds best driver in the seat, and He knows where He's going. It's like being surprised one morning by someone you love more than anything in the world and tells you "HEY! We're going on a road trip- but every destination is a surprise!" To some, that may be romantic, to me, it's annoying. Why? Obviously because I want to be in control. I hate surprises. Just thinking about the anticipation of a car ride all over the place, never knowing where, when or why we are going and when we are going to stop kills me. But- do I know and trust that this person that I love more than anything knows me better than I know myself and would never take me somewhere that doesn't benefit my life? Yes... Yes I do. So, what do I do? I hop into the car, and we take off. And just like any road trip- even if you get a flat tire and have to fix it in the rain, lose bags along the way, break down in the middle of the highway or end up going the wrong way (because of you not being able to read the map He gave), just remember that there are lots of amazing memories and fun times that faaaar exceed the bad ones. So, i'm going to do my best and let God take control and just enjoy the ride...

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away your ticket and jump off, you sit still and trust the engineer." -Corrie Ten Boom