Hmmm.

It hit me this morning- God willing, I will be done with school by the end of next winter...what am I going to do? For some reason, that has sparked a flame and it won't go out, and instead of pouring water over it, i've added fuel to it by searching jobs all over the world. What will I do?! Where will I live?! How will I pay off my debts? Will I be able to find a job? Will I be able to live somewhere amazing? Will I get to live my dream? Will I be too afraid to try? Will I be a failure? Will I be able to live close to home and still make good money? Do I even still want to live in Oregon? If not Oregon, where? Do I move close to my Texas family? What about living in Illinois again? In Colorado or Pennsylvania? Do I go overseas?  Will I die before I even get to find out? hahaha though crazy- these are the thoughts I've been having today. As I search for jobs, I just feel the need to stop. When I stop, sit back and think about all of this, I realize how foolish it is. Why am I worrying about it? 

Why is it hard to trust an unknown future to a known God? I know He will show me when it's time. I know that if I put my trust in Him, He will provide me with the perfect job, in the perfect location, even if it doesn't seem perfect- I know He has a plan. Lately i've gotten into the mind set that I need to work everything out, that I need to get my life in order and have a plan and I feel like in result, I'm stressed and easily agitated with people. When I try to take control of my life and start driving and holding the map, trying to figure out where to go, I'm too busy to keep my eyes on the road. I need to remember that God is in control and I don't need to worry. I've got the worlds best driver in the seat, and He knows where He's going. It's like being surprised one morning by someone you love more than anything in the world and tells you "HEY! We're going on a road trip- but every destination is a surprise!" To some, that may be romantic, to me, it's annoying. Why? Obviously because I want to be in control. I hate surprises. Just thinking about the anticipation of a car ride all over the place, never knowing where, when or why we are going and when we are going to stop kills me. But- do I know and trust that this person that I love more than anything knows me better than I know myself and would never take me somewhere that doesn't benefit my life? Yes... Yes I do. So, what do I do? I hop into the car, and we take off. And just like any road trip- even if you get a flat tire and have to fix it in the rain, lose bags along the way, break down in the middle of the highway or end up going the wrong way (because of you not being able to read the map He gave), just remember that there are lots of amazing memories and fun times that faaaar exceed the bad ones. So, i'm going to do my best and let God take control and just enjoy the ride...

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away your ticket and jump off, you sit still and trust the engineer." -Corrie Ten Boom

21

Well, it happened, I turned 21. All the hype that you always hear about turning 21, yeah- what is that? I discovered that the only reason why turning 21 is a big deal is so that you can legally go out and get wasted...which I'm still confused why anyone would want to do. "Hey, did you hear? I'm 21! Let's go order a bunch of beers and get so drunk that I can't even stand up, and want to put my head in a toilet so that I can keep puking up everything I just drank and ate. THEN in the morning i'll feel like killing anyone who comes in all chipper and semi-loud.....cause i'm 21, and that's how we do it." Nope, not my cup of tea. But kuddos to all you morons out there who think that's 'fun'. Idiots. I think it's time to give you a play by play of April 19th, 2012.

5:47 am: I am jerked out of a peaceful  sleep by the sound of some maniacs pounding on my bedroom door. My first thought was that it was my roommate, Spring. Then I heard three voices break out in the worse rendition of Happy Birthday I have ever heard. Ahhh, not Spring, but Jen, Hollie and Brook. After yelling at them to leave me alone, and them in turn telling me to get up and come to breakfast, in whatever I was wearing, I finally give in, though not exactly thrilled because Thursday is my one day that I really have the option to sleep past 6, and since I was up till midnight the night before making myself a birthday cake, I was definitely looking forward to sleeping till 7. But through all my complaining, i'm happy to say that I have the most amazing friends ever, and am SO blessed by them. The 4 of us crammed into Jen's cute baby blue Bennie (aka an old vw beetle), and traveled on down to Bend's infamous "Original Pancake House". They took me out to breakfast, gave me presents (all of which had something to do with food, or bakeware! So glad they know me so I didn't have to fake like a present!), and ate some of the worse 'average joe breakfast' ever. I should have known by ordering what average people eat that I shouldn't have expected something that a food goddess would eat. BUT, the food was not the point that morning. The memory of my crazy, amazing, quite good looking and single (minus one-feeelllaas!!!) friends making my 21st birthday amazing without having to go out and get wasted, was created that morning. And of course the phone calls from my parents and siblings, and sweet nephew and niece singing helped with those memories too! <3

Eggs benedict and sparkling cider with strawberries!

When I came home I noticed all the decorations my sweet flatmate had put up all over the house- and when I walked into my bathroom I was welcomed by presents galore- one of which was the best presents I received this birthday- a Thor figurine. Heck.yes! When Spring woke up she showered more gifts upon me. For brunch, Spring made eggs Benedict (first time having that- she did good!), we popped open the sparkling cider, sliced strawberries to put in it, and I ate my cake. After that, we sat on the floor by the table (why there, i'll never know?) and watch Anjelah Johnsons "That's how we do it" (which, if you've never seen it, go watch it NOW!) and then I went to school from 4-10 pm... When I got home, I ran and got a frozen pizza for myself, and went to sleep.

Thea and I

I decided early on that with my schedule, I would just celebrate my birthday all week. So it started on the 18th, Spring brought me a "triple blast" Popsicle and really bright colored flowers, I made my cake and then watched the first 30 minutes of Mission Impossible 3, which I turned off because I couldn't handle Tom Cruses' embarrassing, awful, straight up terrible acting any longer. Then the 19th, and the 20th, after class I came home and Spring and I bbq outside, enjoying this beautiful weather we've been having. Then the 21st I worked from 10-6, building a cardboard candy castle for a school project for the girl I nanny, which resulted in many burnt spots on my hands and a blister on my pinkie (because how I included her in the project was by giving her the hot glue gun to help me)...big mistake... After coming home with the worse head ache i've ever had, I went to sleep at 5:30....Old age hitting me fast. I slept for 14 hours! I was shocked. But i've never felt so refreshed! Today I feel like conquering the garage sale-ing world! And so I will...and so I will....

Thank you everyone who helped me celebrate and share with me on my birthday, I am so blessed by family and friends.

Tour Du Chocolat

Check out photos of tour du chocolat here- on my friend Elise's awesome website! We won first place on technique and third for taste! Truly could not have won a better category.

  http://fearless-baking.com/post/20817280161/english-tea-party-chocolate-showpiece-truffles

and here: http://fearless-baking.com/post/20816057964/the-chocolate-showpiece-process-03-29-12

No good at goodbyes

Taken in summer 2010- since then we have a new addition to the family- Quil Alexander and this year Christine will become one of us as well. Love that our family keeps growing- now can we all move within 5 hrs of each other?!

Distance...I hate it. I miss my family. I had an amazing 1 1/2 days home for Easter, but it wasn't even close to being enough. #1 reason why I can't wait to be finished with school is so I can visit them for more than 2 days every few months. I dread saying goodbye to my family. I think we say it at least 300,000,485 times before I actually leave. And even then i'm still thinking about them, it kills me! But- even if I only got to see them for an hour every few months, it's always refreshing for me. I am so blessed by them. Prayers, love, support- what more could I ask for? They keep me going. Phone calls from Lydia- leaving me messages after a long day, breaking out in songs, laughing, joking, and everything else, it puts an enormous smile on my face and reminds me to give thanks at all times. Growing up in such a big family, I never thought any of us would ever be apart from each other- though at times I had wished it! Now, i'm begging for time with them. My older siblings have all gone off and started their own families. The occasional pictures and phone calls are the only thing to remind me that I do have older siblings (and aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, niece and nephews!) still. It's hard not. I miss them all like crazy. But, I am so proud of all of them. I know they are where God wants them and is using them mightily! I pray that wherever we are, we never grow distant- even with the distance. We are blessed. Thank You Lord!

Honesty...right?

So- as of lately, i've realized (after my friends gasping and looking at me with "I can't believe you just said that" looks on their faces) that I have a special gift of telling people the truth, in a way that people can't believe. Hey, if you ask for my thoughts, i'll give them to you, and i'm not going to sugar coat it just to make you feel better- especially when it comes to food and music.

"Hi! Can I get a small mocha please?"
-"That'll be $2.75. I'll bring it to you when it's ready."
10 minutes later the waitress arrives with a small mocha done up nicely in a cute mug... sad, considering that after taking a sip I find out that it's possibly the most disgusting drink I've ever had, which takes away from the cuteness of the mug. I push it aside (why, why, why would I drink something that isn't good?) Brook takes a sip and agrees that it's pretty bitter... Side note: I hate coffee- unless it's sugared down with chocolate, with which it gives a nice touch. This mocha was so bitter, I thought I was drinking straight up coffee until the waitress came back and asked how everything was- then, she turned her eyes to me and made the biggest mistake by asking, "And how is your mocha?" (Ahhh mocha- so it WAS a mocha and not a latte or something else....oh dear...now i'll have to tell her what my thoughts are since she asked right?!) And so I reply with, not a  "It was good" (faking the fact that I hate it). Oh no, no, no, i'm going to tell this lady what I think of it since she asked! With a look of sadness, and disappointment I reply "It's disgusting." Brook and Elise gasp and stare at me, shocked at what I just said. Brook, always so sweet, begins to apologize for me. HA, as if I would! Elise and Brook are laughing, i'm sure they were trying to lessen the tension. The waitress is so taken aback but begins to regain her stance and says "Really?! OH no! Why?!!? Let me remake it for you!" And so I tell her, it was just so bitter- when I order a mocha i'm use to it being sweet, explaining that I hate coffee otherwise. So she asks me if I want a hot chocolate...."Excuse me, but don't you think if I'd wanted a hot chocolate I would have ordered it?!" I could feel these words wanting to pounce out of my mouth, but after the last greeting of gasps from only two words, I refrained and just told her to add more chocolate please. Good drinks come to those to ask the person to remake it if it's nasty. The second mocha was delightful. And we all had and still have good laughs when the fact that i'll tell someone anything if I don't like what it is.

"Yeah, can I get that panini please?"
-"Would you like it grilled or just cold"
Yikes- what do I do? I'm naturally a cold sandwich eater, but maybe not this time? I debate with myself while he tells me the advantages of having him grill it, he assures me it will make it a much better sandwich. Hands down, the sandwich is better when it's grilled... My problem is, i'm hungry and I want to eat now, and in the back of my head I know that i'm not going to want this sandwich hot, but he got me- so I ordered it grilled. Biggest mistake he made was telling me it would only take 5 minutes, when 12 minutes later he's still watching it cook. I can't handle it any longer and I go up and get my sandwich (thank God for Elise telling me "What the heck is he doing!? Go get your sandwich, it's ready!" hahaha) I return and start eating it, hoping that the little voice in my head telling me "NOOOOO! Don't get it grilled!" was wrong...but ohhhh it was so right! I didn't like it half as much as I would have. But, lately I've been inspired and determined to eat anything I am given and to enjoy it! And I was happy. It was still a good sandwich, it just wasn't the BEST sandwich... Well, the poor soul, as we were walking out he just had to say "See, it was better grilled right?" ohhhh boy... here I go again.... "Actaullllyyyyy, I didn't like it." hahahah ohhh shoot, I wish I had a camera to catch his completely taken off guard and shocked expression.. These gasps and expressions have me thinking that these people must not get true comments ever. Come on, I know i'm not the only one who didn't like it grilled, or thought the drink was gross. Others just politely say "Yes. Thank you." I must have missed that part in my "how to be a lady" handbook. Again, Brook and Elise are there to laugh and apologize for me. Where would I be without them? Probably banned from all eating establishments.

While with a group of friends downtown, two "country" boys (one holding a guitar) come up and ask us with their "cowboy" accents "Would you folks like to hear some country music?" Shoot- I heard these guys just an hour earlier...They weren't exactly "Music to my ears." So, being me, I replied (for myself and the group as nobody spoke up before me) with "Definiteeeely...nooooot" Again with the gasps, shocked looks and the rest of the night with "BEKAH- I still can't believe you said that! Those poor guys!" the fella's with the geetar strode away saying something like "Thanks for being so polite ma'am." I laughed so hard after hearing about their sarcastic remark.

Now, don't be getting all crazy on me for these stories- I know there are nicer ways to say these things, but at the time, there isn't, so don't get your panties in a bunch thinking about how rude I was. These stories are for laughing and to know that if you ever need an honest opinion, i'm your gal.

BIG WIN!

AHHHH! I'll post more later, but i'm so excited that I have to just yell it out- WE WON "Best technique" for our tour du chocolat piece! And third place on taste! AHHH! Seriously on the top of the world right now. And after winning, got to walk around down town having a blast with my awesome friends and then went and played taboo with them.. yes... it was a spectacular day.. More update on this later. Thanks everyone!

Long day- but so fun!

Got up this morning and headed out to buy some chocolate for tour du chocolat (more on this later). Went right from there to school. Arrived at school at 10 and started working on our chocolate showpiece for the tour. Went from that to watching a Guest Top Chef Brian Malarkey (originally from Bend!) make some magic with food for us! He was great- so hilarious and normal! After that demo, went back to work on tour du chocolat things. Did that until 5 when I went to my "capstone" class (basically just getting experience in what a baking kitchen would be like through the culinary schools restaurant). Because we are the first baking capstone class, we get to come up with and design the Culinary school's restaurants dessert menu! SO excited to be a part of this as it will be in play for years to come and students coming in after us will be using the things WE created! Legit right? Right. Was in class working on menu items until 9:30 tonight...and now i'm home, too excited to sleep thinking about TOUR DU CHOCOLAT! Yes! It's basically super legit, and any one able to make it needs to! It's a competition where you make a chocolate showpiece, and chocolate samples of your choice. My fearless bakers (Elise, Brook and Yuridi) and I are representing Elise's business "Fearless Baking" and the Culinary School as they have been so amazing with letting us use the kitchen space to prepare everything in. Annnnywho- we have made sponge candy (ahhhh, i've always loved this stuff, and even more so now that I know how to make it! haha), rolled cinnamon vanilla truffles, molded earl grey truffles and Elise's signature butter cookie dipped half way in ganache. I'm telling you- this stuff it to die for. Our showpiece is going to be kinda of an artistic/mad hatter/English tea party theme. I can't wait to get it all assembled! Can you tell by all the exclamation points that i'm beyond excited?!!? :) Alright- time to go wash my "whites"! Gotta have them bright and starched for the morning- which right now, they are covered in chocolate and marionberry sorbet! haaa. be jealous. :) Goodnight moon!

Just a regular Tuesday for me.

A glimpse into what the second day back in the daily grind of a busy pastry student may look like (if they're cool enough anyways):
-Wake up at 6:00- just to turn off the noisy alarm that had some how been put for that time and fall back to sleep.
-Jerk up out of bed at 6:45 fumbling for the phone to see what time it is because you're certain you overslept and are now late for class (and to do that on the first week back would be credit suicide as you would then lose your spot in class!)
-Realize, after finding your phone, that you still have another hour and a half till class starts.
-Put the tea kettle on so you can drink that delicious french vanilla tea on your way to school.
-Start the daily routine: Brush hair, brush teeth, check email, email people.
-Stop emailing people and make a mad dash to the kitchen after hearing the tea kettle's obnoxious whistle, which you're afraid will wake up your roommate, which after running into the kitchen to turn it off you realize the kettle probably didn't but stampeding into the kitchen probably did.
-Decide to make some oatmeal, just to look at the clock and realize that you'd wasted up all your time and now have 5 minutes to get everything together and get going to school.
-Take 15 minute drive to school- thanking God for spectacular drivers that don't drive the speed limit, and sit at green lights....noooot so much (though I should have).

And thus begins the regular hub-bub at school...
-Create dessert/bread menu for the culinary schools restaurant.
-Go to your menu development class (which is very useful considering we're creating the menu for the entire rest of, oh, I don't know, maybe just the entire history of the school! ....well, maybe not..but it will definitely be there for a LONG time! SO awesome to know that i'm helping developing this menu!)
-Grab a bite to eat with your favorite Brookster.
-Get a phone call from your amazing Mum, who tells you a story that just confirms that your Dad is just as hilarious as ever- if not more so!
-Begin working on molded truffles for tour du chocolate again with your favorite baking buddies- Elise and Brook.
-Go home at 5 and make a super nutritious meal of La Ramen noodles!
-Decide that ramen noodle wasn't the best choice and decide to go for a run in the beautiful spring air that has finally arrived...
-Decide instead that while that last one has the potential to happen, I just don't think it will. So instead make sponge candy to take to people and make them smile...and eat a lot yourself...until you have a thought that the bridesmaids dresses that you'll be wearing in a few months won't be so kind to that sponge candy..
-Remember the homework that has to be done and does it....

Lesson of the day: Do my devotions. I really need to work on putting God first in everything I do. Giving Him the praise and glory.

Snowboarding on Bachelor!

Elise and I

Jen and I

Jen and I are official Olympians!!!

During spring break I FINALLY had the chance to use my 3 day snowboarding pass that I purchased on sale. The first day I headed up the the mountain with my friend Elise where we enjoyed snowboarding and skiing on a beautiful blue bird day. Elise is an excellent skier, and since the majority of my snowboarding is usually with less or equally as skilled snowboarders as myself, I never really pushed myself to do more, or go on the more challenging slopes. Well, I was in for quite a day with Elise. She took me every where (well, maybe not, but it seemed like it!) and I forced myself to keep up with her (it was actually more like her stopping and waiting, me moving like a slug and fallllllinnnnnggg a tonnnn). Needless to say I was in complete and total pain the next day! But knowing that the pain was from pushing myself, enjoying a beautiful day and hanging out with Elise, it didn't matter. The next couple of times I went up I went with my friend Jennifer. They were both great days, but the weather wasn't quite so lovely. It was windy, then would snow, then would be blue bird, thennnnnn all three.. ha. Central Oregon Weather doesn't know how to make up its mind, especially up on the mountain! This is Jen's second year snowboarding, so we took it a litttttle bit slower than Elise and I. Jen is well on her way to becoming the next Shaun White. All in all, it was money well spent and it re-affirmed that I absolutely love to snowboard, even if i'm not that great!!

No- I did NOT snowboard down any black diamonds...didn't push myself THAT hard.

Good Bye Facebook!

Helllllooooo all my wonderful family and friends! I've decided that facebook is no longer for me, though I have gotten on a couple of times to check for updated photos of you all, which kills me because I want to be able to see these things without having to go on there. I hope you guys are all able to convert to bloggism, or some way of sending me quick updates with photos and videos and UPDATES of your lives, because I will not be on fb unless told that there is something important to look at. haha okay- with that out of the way, I am hoping to adjust to blogging and be able to post everything that is going on in my life to keep you all updated- whether you want to read about it or not! :) I love you all much and love to get phone calls/text/emails/snail mail from you all whenever. xoxox to all my family. Appreciate prayers! Tomorrow is my first day back in school after spring break. Feels weird to be heading back to school after having a semi-normal super busy 2 weeks off!! Love to you all!