I often forget to take a step back and look at all God has given me. Boy has He blessed me big time. It's easy to get caught up in what the world is showing me and telling me I need, that I forget to check myself OUT of this reality and into God's. For this past year I've been having a year of "wandering through the dessert" as my dad would say. I've struggled to find time for God and make excuses for it as if that would justify it. I read a quote a while back by Francis Chan, and it's always present in my mind, except when it makes me feel too guilty which then makes me set my mind on things of this world to try to show God just how busy I am. The quote is this- "We are quick to rationalize our entertainment and priorities yet are slow to commit to serving God". I don't know about the rest of you, but lately that is the story of my relationship and life with God. I rationalize my sins even, saying "Well, it's not like i'm sinning by worldly standards anyway. I'm fine, the only sinning I do is not being loving enough at times, letting my temper fly, having an attitude...you know, normal human things...." Really? Really? Stupid.
I think of how God must feel like with me as Hosea did with Gomer. I'm Gomer, obviously. Constantly sinning and going and seeking worldly things, even if I don't realize it (by getting mad, not patient, annoyed, wanting new clothes, a new car, etc...) which by doing so I am spitting in Jesus' face and telling Him He's not enough for me, that I know better than He does and i'm gonna show Him how right I am! How stupid can I be?! When hearing stories or reading in the bible about people who didn't trust God even though it was the obvious option and how He's done MIRACLES right in front of their faces and for them- yet they turn away anyways (Thinking Israelite's in the desert), but I think to myself "REALLY?! How stupid of them! How
could they?! They've seen all these miraculous things and yet make a golden calf because they were tired of waiting...Why, I would never! Not I Lord! I'd be like Job- always faithful, never sinning even if the world came crashing down on me. Search me God- see how well I would do under pressure, see me, see me here boasting in myself? Yeah, i'm the one you want." ugh.. It makes me sick thinking about how I'm no different than the Israelite's. God has continually thrown good in my life, and I make excuses as to why I can't spend even 5 minutes in His word, for a short amount of time with my God, my King, the glorious God who sent His only son to enter this earth in human flesh so that I may live with them in eternity...I throw mud and spit in His face when I get annoyed because His timing isn't in sync with mine, but then when I need something from Him, I go and do puppy eyes and whine about how hard life is and how i'm sorry, please forgive me. It goes round and round.
As Christians, we hate sin right? Sin is evil, sin is a horrible thing that without it we would have a perfect life...but why don't we put into action what we think about it? If we truly hated sin, we wouldn't do it. Plain and simple, no beating around the bush, there it is. Jesus says that we can't serve two masters...who are we going to choose? The pastor this Sunday brought up the passage in Matthew (Matt. 7:21-23) where Jesus says "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.'. Is that not enough to make you shake in your boots and get your life in order and living whole heartily for our King and Savior!? It is for me. But will I actually put it into action? We have the wisdom and knowledge to know what to do. Paul even says "to him who knows what to do yet does not do it, to him it is a sin". So if you think you don't ever sin, you better check yo' self before you wreck yo' self. God is not a God to be mocked. If we profess with our lips that Jesus is our Lord, yet do not live like it, or deny Him under "peer pressure", we've got a horrible, horrible thing coming to us. Lets not mess around any more. Like any relationship, it may take time, and a lot of hard work, but you better believe that as long as you keep searching after God and continually dying and giving yourself to Him and denying the world, then when it's your turn to stand in front of Him, He will proudly say 'Well done, My good and faithful servant". I pray I hear those words. I don't want to live my life any more, I want God to live through my life. I want to be servant in whatever way that may be, maybe it's working in McDonalds and sharing smiles and His love with everyone I come in contact with, maybe it's being a nanny, or being a missionary. Whatever it is, I pray that it's what God wants me to be doing- I pray it's His will for my life and not something that I may think is best for me or that I want at that time. Our God is a mighty God. Trust in God and nothing can go wrong.
"Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from Thee will perish; Thou hast destroyed all those who are unfaithful to Thee. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works." Psalms 73:25-28
Thank You Lord for blessing me with my loving family, all who serve You. Thank you for my friends, for a house over my head and for always providing for me. You are my King, my God, my Savior, and my one and only true Groom. Help me to remember that nothing I do, I could do on my own. Nothing on this earth have I earned, any money, talent or anything that I may have came from You alone. Help me to remember to not boast and be proud, unless it's for boasting in my Jesus Christ!
